Why Can't I Be Like Her...
To be honest, I have been finding myself getting stuck in the comparison rabbit hole lately. What I have noticed about my patterns of comparison is that when I find myself in creation mode (ie: working on new projects, visions, etc) I am open and vulnerable in order to allow new ideas to bloom. But with that openness also comes with space for doubt to roll in and fill it up. I find that I become more consumed with doubt and that gets fueled by comparison.
It usually looks like this….
I am on instagram getting my scroll on and all of a sudden I am inundated with a bunch of kickass captions and beautifully design photos by women I know and admire. I get hooked and then next thing I know, I spiral.
I don’t want to, I don’t mean to, that doubt is so sly it creeps in and next thing I know I am comparing myself. My thoughts often sound like,
“Ugh, why can’t I look like that”
“How come my words don’t flow that well”
“If I could only have more photos like her”
“What’s wrong with me that I can’t come up with that idea”
“I’ll never get to that level like her”
Yea, ugly right? TBH I’ve had some worse thoughts cross my mind. I’m not proud of it. I’m cringing while writing this. But it’s real. It happens. And I’m going to venture a guess that I am not alone. It feels shitty. I get stuck and then that doubt takes the wheel. I feel physically depleted-like no energy, want to crawl into a burrito blanket and take a nap for a year. But you know what? Sometimes the opposite happens. Sometimes I get a jolt of energy and it springs me into action. But that is a tricky space to navigate.
That energy is awesome and yes, I have gotten some awesome shit done. BUT, the catalyst for that energy isn’t admirable. It was fueled by comparison which was led by jealousy and scarcity and that’s no good.
It’s in those moments I have to really check myself before I wreck myself or else I am creating from a place of fear and not love and that’s really big house of cards to create.
Comparison is one of the trickiest fears to navigate because it is the perfect blend of doubt, scarcity, jealous, envy and guilt. I hear from women in our Gatherings how frequently they feel this fear and I especially hear it from my fellow female entrepreneurs. So if we all feel it so much, let’s just be real and talk about it?
If you’re like me and find yourself getting caught up in the comparison rabbit hole do this for yourself-pause and look at where you are at in your life right now. For instance, I noticed that I tend to compare more when I am in a phase of creation. That time period where I am opening up my mind and heart to new ideas and creating something new in my life, I am also opening myself up to the fear and doubt that accompanies it. I get sucked into looking at what other women are doing and then I get caught up in comparing how I am not at the same level or timing or whatever to them. So much time wasted, so much energy expended and I don’t get any closer to what I want just further away from who I am.
But I have choice in the matter. I can feed the fears or I can starve them by shifting away. Here are a few ways to shift the comparison thoughts. When we shift, we not only release ourselves from the grips of comparison, we are also redirecting our energy. We sway our energy from jealousy or envy to compassion and care not only to ourselves but to the other women we are comparing ourselves too.
Try it out, see how it feels.
It is possible to stay in our own lane and wave to each other while we pass each other by. If we don’t allow ourselves to pass and wave we end up veering off the road and into a ditch that is hard to get out of. That is what comparison does. It derails us away from our own vision and season of life. But we don’t have to fall prey to it. We can get right back on track if we take active, deliberate action to shift away from comparison and back into our own lane of self love and trusting the timing of our lives.