The Universe Has My Back
My dear friend Brittany has a gift. She sent me a text out of the blue the other day that read: “Katie I had such an interesting and path affirming insight on your birth chart after I watched your insta story earlier this week.”
Brittany is an astrologer. Not your horoscopes in the back of the newspaper kind of astrologer, like a real, down to earth one. And she is gifted. And she is going to be mad that I am saying this about her because she doesn’t quite see the magnitude of her gifts yet. But it’s true and I saw it from the moment I met her.
Brittany went on to say,
Holy wow, was she on point! Last year was a pivotal year for me. A lot shifted and I grew exponentially. I committed to sobriety, got a new day job, started to do some major healing work, met the love of my life and felt more aligned than ever with my purpose to serve the world with my gifts. I mean, to say 2018 was the most impactful year of my life would be an understatement.
Brittany continued to explain,
She’s so right, I thought. Over the last month, a lot of transition has occurred. I traveled, moved into a new apartment with my boyfriend and his dog, I became an aunt, and I’m exploring my new neighborhood. What has also been going on during this time is that my business is shifting.
What was simultaneously occurring during all the joy filled moments was me getting caught up in the pressure of upleveling and growing my business. I work a pretty demanding full time job and run Soul Connect on the side. My passion and energy has fueled my ability to work extra hard at all hours to make this work. So when I started to think about growth and expansion, I also started to feel the overwhelm kick in. That led me to seek out answers from others rather than myself because I was feeling doubt, uncertainty and quite frankly I was scared. Scared of the unknown ahead and how I was going to make it work.
And what I know about myself and fear is that when a gate opens, other stuff starts to flood in. So during this time I started getting triggered by old fear based stories. Next thing I knew I was getting consumed with worrying what others were going to think about me.
Ahhh, I see what’s going on. It all makes sense. Tears start to roll down my face. It felt like an instantaneous relief. A very necessary and loud reminder literally from the Universe that it has my back. I’m not alone in all this. I have a whole cosmos working high in the sky making sure I am getting the full human experience down here.
I sat with these insights all day. I’ve been revisiting them ever since she sent them to me. And what I have realized is that over the last month, I have given my power away so quickly and freely that I didn’t even realize it.
I gave it away by turning to others to find the answers and looking to them to show me the way, rather than connecting with my truth and listening and trusting that.
I gave it away by getting caught up in the drama of old stories related to women I used to know in the past and getting worried about what their perceptions were of me and my life that is so different than before.
I gave it away by feeding my perfectionism and holding myself to ridiculously high standards that I just have been inevitably failing at.
I gave it away by placing too much focus and energy on marketing funnels and business growth strategies that I unknowingly disconnected from my why and purpose of service.
What makes the timing of Brittany’s text so magical that for the last few weeks, I have been working through some major fears, old beliefs and questioning my path. This past year along side my growth I have also received the things I’ve been longing for most of my life. [Side note: we don’t do a good enough job at talking about what happens when you get what you want.]
I have gone through so many transitions, shed so many layers, and feel more me than ever yet I haven’t really paused to take a moment to breathe it all in. And TBH, I need a break. I need some breathing room. I need to lay some shit down and rest. I need to turn these apps off and pick up a pen. I need to nap for a week. I need to figure out what I really love and start doing that. It’s times like these where my old perfectionism and fear of failure gets loud.
So, I’m recalibrating, reintegrating, and beginning again. I’m asking myself what I need, I’m listening to my answers, and I am integrating it into my new way of being. I’m slowing down so I can take a deep inhale of the life I am living right now. I am taking some much need time to reconnect with who I am and reclaiming that innate power I hold. I am more me than ever. A whole woman. And it’s about damn time I connect with her.
I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here but just in a more intentional way.
Gatherings both online and in person are the heart and life force of what I do so those will remain as strong as ever.
Our REVEAL group will continue for the year.
But if you’re like me and finding yourself changing your mind, in a funk or entering a new season of life, hear this:
you’re allowed to be lost
you’re allowed to switch directions
you’re allowed to take up space
you’re allowed to go off the grid
Let’s pinky promise to give ourselves permission to be where we are at without knowing where we are going. Sometimes we forget that the Universe has our back. For me, it took my friend literally looking to the stars to remind me that I am supported and everything is unfolding exactly as it should. The Universe for reals has my back.